I Wonder
by SVUCSIWTRDOOLluver
Summary: Song fic based on the song "I Wonder" by Kellie Pickler! I love her voice and this song, and this has mostly Sara-centric, but some GSR at the end. Please please R&R, I don't own CSI and thanks!


This is a song fic, with the song by Kellie Pickler, it's called "I Wonder" I thought it fit Sara pretty good, but of course it had to have GSR! ENJOY!!!

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_Sometimes I think about you  
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me  
And would you even recognize  
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be  
Cause I look in the mirror and I'll I see  
Are your brown eyes lookin back at me  
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all_

Sara sat in her temporary apartment in South Carolina. She looked around the small room, and sighed. She dropped her head into her hands and remembered the past few months in Carolina. She had left Las Vegas a few months back, and it still hurt her deep. She knew that she had hurt the team by showing up for a funeral and then leaving, and, most importantly, she had hurt Grissom, but she just had to. If she had stayed, instead of going to Warrick's funeral, they would've been going to hers, but they wouldn't have anyone to catch for her death.

No, they wouldn't have anyone to blame for taking her away, because Sara would've taken her own self away. It was a terrifying thought, but one that was so true. Sara raised her head up and saw that all of her stuff was packed up. She was startled for a moment, but then remembered about her brief stop in Carolina. She had just gotten off the ship, and only had a few days to relax and regroup before she got on a plane bound for Central America.

She had just enough time to visit the town of her childhood and teenage years. Sara had lived in Carolina when she was a kid, and then had escaped to Boston to go to college as soon as she had been able to. Mostly the reason was because her mother had left her after killing her father. Sara didn't blame her mother for killing her father, after all, her father had been an abusing man, but that didn't give her mother the right to just up and abandon her only daughter.

Sara only thought about her mother every now and then, and as she stared into her own brown eyes in the bathroom mirror, she could only think how that was all her mother had ever given her at all. She had never received love from her mother, and Sara didn't think her mother really gave a damn about her at all.

_Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California  
There's sunny skies as far I can see  
If you ever come back home to Carolina  
I wonder what you'd say to me_

Sara knew her mother was in San Francisco, that was where Sara had gone after she left Vegas the first time. She had found her mother and found out that her mother really, truly didn't care about her. At all.

Flashback:

"Mother?" Sara said, approaching a woman on the sidewalk. The woman turned, and Sara found herself staring into her brown eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The woman demanded, and Sara shot back,

"Looking for you."

"Why? Why can't you just leave the past buried?"

"Because I need to know why!"

"Why what? Why did I leave you? Because I had to, okay?"

"No. I deserve…"

"You deserve what you got!"

"Maybe so, but I deserve the truth, mother. Why?"

"Fine! You reminded me too much of my SOB of a husband, so I left you and the memories behind!"

"Didn't you even care about me?"

"Not really." At that point, Sara had become too emotional to talk. She just walked away from her mother, like her mother had done to her so many years ago. To make matters worse, a few days later Sara had heard about Warrick's death. And that was a severe punch to her heart.

_I think about how it ain't fair  
That you weren't there to braid my hair  
Like mothers do  
You weren't around to cheer me on  
Help me dress for my high school prom  
Like mothers do  
Did you think I didn't need you here  
To hold my hand  
To dry my tears  
Did you even miss me through the years at all_

Sara remembered about her high school years, how her mother hadn't been there to cry over how nice she looked at prom. Sure her foster mother had been there, but she hadn't shed a tears. Instead, one of her friend's mothers bawled about how nice she and her friends looked. It hadn't been the same at all.

Sara had to have her friends to her hair for her, and not that she minded at all, but it was the principle of the thing. Her friend's mothers had done their hair, and they did Sara's. Sure they had had fun doing it, but Sara longed for her mother to be there doing her hair.

Sara remembered wondering over and over if her mother even missed her. She wasn't sure at the time, but now she knew better. No. Her mother hadn't missed her, not even back then. She was glad to be rid of Sara, and that just about broke Sara's heart, even now when she thought nothing else could possibly damage her heart any more than it already had been damaged.

But now, knowing that her mother didn't care about her at all, it hurt her worse than not knowing. Sara now knew that the old saying was totally true, that sometimes it's better to not know, then to know the real truth, though that wasn't true in all cases. Just some.

Now, Sara wondered if maybe her mother had thought that Sara didn't need her, that she could go on, with her life a lot better without her emotionally disturbed mother. But no, Sara mentally slapped herself, knowing that it was just her subconscious trying to make excuses for her mother.

Excuses her mother did not deserve.

_Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California  
There's sunny skies as far I can see  
If you ever come back home to Carolina  
I wonder what you'd say to me_

As Sara left her apartment for the last time, headed for the plane, she heard the weather report of the radio of her rental car. They were talking about how California had the nicest weather of the whole country, with nice blue skies, only a few puffy white clouds and the weather was basically perfect.

In her mind, Sara saw the pretty blue sky becoming ugly and threatening, just like her father, with dark gray filling the sky instead of the pretty sky blue. Ominous gray clouds filled the sky as well, replacing the cute little white puffy clouds. They were angry and resentful, just like her mother. The temperature soared for a little while, making everyone miserable just like her mother and father had made Sara miserable, and then rain started falling down, representing when her mother had killed her father and then abandoned her, which dropped the temperature, but still made everyone miserable.

Then, she imagined her mother coming home to Carolina, begging for forgiveness. Apologizing for her behavior. But somehow, deep in Sara's heart, she knew that that was most definitely not going to happen. Her mother was never coming back for Sara, never. Not now to apologize, and never in a million years.

Sara pulled her rental car into the parking lot at the airport and made her way to the check-in area, her mother still on her mind. When she finally made it to the waiting room, she stood by the window, unshed tears sparkling in her eyes as she pulled out her cell phone. She hit speed dial 2, and after a few rings a voice recording said,

"You've reached Gil Grissom's house. I apologize for not taking your call, most likely I am very busy. Leave me a message, I'll get back to you soon." After a slight pause, the recording continued, "And PS, if this is San Francisco, I still love you. I can't move on. Thanks, bye." When the beep sounded, Sara shut the phone. She couldn't believe that he could still love her. She had to smile, though, the reference to where he knew she was going was so Grissom. Instead of saying her name, he said 'San Francisco' like a code, so Sara would know that it was her.

But still, Sara had sent Grissom that message setting him free, but he hadn't flown free. It amazed her still how much that man loved her. She knew from experience that forgiveness was so hard to give when you've been hurt, but Grissom seemed to forgive her without a second thought.

_Forgiveness is such a simple word  
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt_

Sara knew that that was the difference between herself and Grissom. He forgave her, but she couldn't forgive her mother. She knew that if her mother came in right now and begged for forgiveness, Sara wasn't sure if she could give it to her.

Then, she remembered that she was going to leave a message for Grissom. She dialed him again, and closed her eyes, letting the sound of his voice was over her. Then, she cleared her throat and heard the beat.

"Gil, this is Sara. I am so, so sorry for what I did to you. You deserve someone better than me, I know. I don't deserve you, or your forgiveness. I'm going to Costa Rica, Gil, so I can't ever hurt you again. Call me on my cell if you can ever even think about forgiving me. Goodbye, Gil." She hung up, wiping her eyes just as the airport called for her flight. She got in her window seat, and found out that no one was sitting next to her. For that she was glad, because then she wouldn't be expected to make conversation.

She leaned her forehead against the glass of the window, and felt her tears subside. She tried to smile, thinking of the place she was headed to. The rain forest in Costa Rica. She would get to see the animals up close, and even live with the animals, subtly studying them. And she could not wait. She also knew that she should collect a few bugs and send them to Grissom, and that much she would most definitely do.

The next thing Sara knew, the plane landed with a bump. She opened her eyes and saw the rainforest in the distance. The rainforest she was headed to. A smile played across her mouth, and when she walked out into the sunlight, a smile grew on her face now. She checked her phone, but Grissom hadn't called. She knew she shouldn't expect him to, but still, a girl could hope. Even if she shouldn't hope for that kind of thing, she could still try. That hope began draining out of her as the days passed in the rain forest and still Grissom didn't call.

But every time she saw a monkey or another animal, it made her smile, because she knew that no matter what happened, she was going to be okay. She didn't care what her mother thought of her anymore, and she was never going to go back home to Carolina, so if her mother did, she wasn't gong to be there. Her mother's little girl, now a woman, was in Costa Rica, and she wasn't looking back.

_Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California  
And just in case you're wondering about me  
For now on I won't be in Carolina  
Your little girl is off  
Your little girl is off_

They had been in Costa Rica for a few weeks now, and despite the fact that Grissom hadn't called her, Sara was still basically happy. Or, at least, she was trying to be happy. One day, she was hanging up some clothes on the clothesline when her cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and almost had a heart attack. She swallowed hard and waited for the third ring before quickly picking up and said,

"Hey, you're reached Sara Sidle. Leave me a message, I'll get back with you. Thanks!" She paused for a moment, listening to the breathing at the other end. Breathing she knew to be Grissom's. His voice started to say something, but she interrupted him, saying, "And if you're calling about my heart, it's still yours, bugman. I should've listened to it a little more, and then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I truly belong, and that is in your arms. Oh, and by the way, Gil, this isn't a machine you're talking to. Can't you tell? This is San Francisco, and I still love you. I've never stopped, nor will I ever stop."

She shut the phone, blinking back tears. She put her phone away, gathering herself together when she saw a young Capuchin monkey staring at her. She smiled as she grabbed her camera to take a picture of it. She clicked the camera a few times, and then felt someone behind her, staring at her. She glanced over her shoulder, and there stood none other than Gil Grissom, holding his cell phone in his hand. He tucked it in his backpack, and Sara turned around fully, holding his gaze with her brown eyes. She smiled at him, her emotions almost coming out as her eyes teared up. He took off his backpack and let it drop to the ground as he held his arms out to her as he crossed the clearing in a few strides. She wanted to drop the camera, but it would break so she had to hold onto it as she grabbed at his shoulders, drawing him close to her. Their lips met, moving together in sync in a reunion that had been a few months in the making.

The monkey rolled his eyes at the two of them, as if wondering what in the hell took them that long.

Sara didn't want to break their kiss, but when air became a priority she broke the kiss, only to bury her face in his shoulder.

"I love you too, Sara." Grissom whispered into her hair, and she heard the emotion filling his voice. She drew back a little, took a deep breath and asked the question she had been dreading.

"How long can you stay?"

"Forever." He said simply, and Sara stared at him. "I quit CSI, Sara. You're more important. You're too important to come second when it comes to the job. You are, the most important thing in my life now."

"Forever." She whispered, and pressed her lips to his, letting the camera fall to the ground, but to her surprise it didn't break. Not that she really cared at the moment, all she cared about was Gil Grissom, the man in her arms now and forever.

_  
Your little girl is off to __Costa Rica_

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The end! Just a short one-shot, and I love this song, and Kellie Pickler rocks!!! When she performed this at the CMT awards, I think it was, it was such a powerful, emotional performance, and I just love this song! I hope you liked it, and thanks for reading! Shoot me off a review, let me know if you liked it or now! (PS, in the end it's supposed to be _Your little girl is off to Tennessee _but I changed it to fit the story! Thanks, adios!!!


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